it's what i want, but no communication is going to kill me... maybe it's better this way. That way, nobody is allowed to care. I want to move on (without one another), and apparently so does she. But now that shes proving that, im "smothering" her. And by doing so, i've eliminated what was left of being best/close friends.... (or at least two people who weren't together anymore, but genuinely cared so much for one another.) Its obvious I'm being selfish, and that the current actions are what she needs to not be hurt and to move on. I have to be happy for her. I want to care and worry about her, but that's not going to help her find happiness. Just cloud everything.
i've hurt you
you've bored me
you're out trying to find you,
while i'm here pretending to be me.
erase me, because that's what ive done to you for so long. do what you have to. in the long run, i'll be happy for you because you deserve only the best. i'll miss you and our friendship. the smothering has ended, i promise.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
this week
fucking sucks.
fuck craigslist.
fuck work.
and most of all..
FUCK YOU CHRISTMAS!
thanksgiving is better than you anyway.
fuck craigslist.
fuck work.
and most of all..
FUCK YOU CHRISTMAS!
thanksgiving is better than you anyway.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
we kept faith and a switchblade tucked beneath my coat
lies
backstabbing
and deceit.
things i try to stay away from, and not do myself.... but it seems these situations find me.
these things also help me grow.
ive made a two part mix, a double disc if you will. ive bumped it for the past 24 hours straight. i was thinking about uploading it to that mixtape.com thing or whatever, but nobody reads this so im not. this is my mixtape(s) for friends and for driving around. ive felt like ive just wanted to drive around. night time, windows down, and maybe 3 other cars on the road. just aimlessly driving. Thinking about absolutely nothing, yet clearning my mind.
disc 1 (not really a disc but its on my ipod. i just thought i'd name the mixes disc 1 and 2)
disc 2
backstabbing
and deceit.
things i try to stay away from, and not do myself.... but it seems these situations find me.
these things also help me grow.
ive made a two part mix, a double disc if you will. ive bumped it for the past 24 hours straight. i was thinking about uploading it to that mixtape.com thing or whatever, but nobody reads this so im not. this is my mixtape(s) for friends and for driving around. ive felt like ive just wanted to drive around. night time, windows down, and maybe 3 other cars on the road. just aimlessly driving. Thinking about absolutely nothing, yet clearning my mind.
disc 1 (not really a disc but its on my ipod. i just thought i'd name the mixes disc 1 and 2)
disc 2
Monday, December 1, 2008
"I'll tell you stage dives make me feel more alive..."
its all ive wanted to do lately.
at a show punk rock or not... i want to stage dive
listening to trash talk in my car... i want to stage dive
in line at the grocery store... i want to headwalk
at the bar... i want to headwalk
please gather 100 people. put them in my backyard, and allow me to crawl and walk on their heads. its all i can think about lately.
this is probably the most poser-ish post ever, but i want to do it
at a show punk rock or not... i want to stage dive
listening to trash talk in my car... i want to stage dive
in line at the grocery store... i want to headwalk
at the bar... i want to headwalk
please gather 100 people. put them in my backyard, and allow me to crawl and walk on their heads. its all i can think about lately.
this is probably the most poser-ish post ever, but i want to do it
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
now im going to post 2 pics of my pets from the best holiday....halloween
not too stoked on his costume
these other pics are recent
--------------------
ive been listening to crazy amounts of new music. im stoked.
im about to eat tons of food. im stoked.
shoes. im stoked.
new couches on saturday. im stoked.
shower. my butthole is stoked.
longboard. bella's stoked.
lisa's trendy store fisheye camera. im stoked.
developing film from said camera. walgreen's not so stoked.
matteo in town. everyones stoked.
happy thanksgiving you fucks
----------------
Now playing: Ten Yard Fight - Believe
via FoxyTunes
not too stoked on his costume
these other pics are recent
--------------------
ive been listening to crazy amounts of new music. im stoked.
im about to eat tons of food. im stoked.
shoes. im stoked.
new couches on saturday. im stoked.
shower. my butthole is stoked.
longboard. bella's stoked.
lisa's trendy store fisheye camera. im stoked.
developing film from said camera. walgreen's not so stoked.
matteo in town. everyones stoked.
happy thanksgiving you fucks
----------------
Now playing: Ten Yard Fight - Believe
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, November 22, 2008
so ive found my zen..
and its grilling.
it relaxes me, and its awesome. ive learned so much about grilling since ive bought my first grill a little over a year ago. im proud to say that im also continuing to learn, and that i can cook very well on the grill.
so about a week ago, abbys grandparents invited us over for dinner. we talked about grilling. her nana (grandmother) is a grill expert, well in her own mind... and i myself love to grill as well. we were talking about ribs and about how i should rub them instead of marinating them. And that also ribs need to be smoked instead of cooked over direct heat. being the uninteligent idiot i am, i kinda just shrugged her off.
2 days ago, i set out a slab of ribs to thaw that abby had bought for me to cook for dinner within the week. last night, i thought id do some research on a good recipe on a pork rib rub. did a lot of youtube watching, (WHICH BY THE WAY, IF YOURE EVER LOOKING ON HOW TO DO SOMETHING, ESPECIALLY IN STEPS.... YOUTUBE IS YOUR FRIEND,) found one i could work off of. it consisted of
-sugar
-brown sugar
-kosher salt
-paprika
-chilli powder
-parsley
-grounded black pepper
- garlic powder
from watching youtube videos, i learned that there is a membrane or a skin like material that sits on the bone side of the ribs, that should be ripped off to be able to add flavor. news to me
i also took in consideration, that id probably should take nana's advice and smoke them in indirect heat. this means wood chips and charcoal on the side.
im not even going to type anymore, ill let the pics do the rest
this was after the fact, but this is how you set it up. drip pan in the middle, filled with your liquid of choice. on each side, hot charcoal. and on top of the charcoal, as seen on the left, your wet wood chips. i have mine in a smoker box.
it relaxes me, and its awesome. ive learned so much about grilling since ive bought my first grill a little over a year ago. im proud to say that im also continuing to learn, and that i can cook very well on the grill.
so about a week ago, abbys grandparents invited us over for dinner. we talked about grilling. her nana (grandmother) is a grill expert, well in her own mind... and i myself love to grill as well. we were talking about ribs and about how i should rub them instead of marinating them. And that also ribs need to be smoked instead of cooked over direct heat. being the uninteligent idiot i am, i kinda just shrugged her off.
2 days ago, i set out a slab of ribs to thaw that abby had bought for me to cook for dinner within the week. last night, i thought id do some research on a good recipe on a pork rib rub. did a lot of youtube watching, (WHICH BY THE WAY, IF YOURE EVER LOOKING ON HOW TO DO SOMETHING, ESPECIALLY IN STEPS.... YOUTUBE IS YOUR FRIEND,) found one i could work off of. it consisted of
-sugar
-brown sugar
-kosher salt
-paprika
-chilli powder
-parsley
-grounded black pepper
- garlic powder
from watching youtube videos, i learned that there is a membrane or a skin like material that sits on the bone side of the ribs, that should be ripped off to be able to add flavor. news to me
i also took in consideration, that id probably should take nana's advice and smoke them in indirect heat. this means wood chips and charcoal on the side.
im not even going to type anymore, ill let the pics do the rest
this was after the fact, but this is how you set it up. drip pan in the middle, filled with your liquid of choice. on each side, hot charcoal. and on top of the charcoal, as seen on the left, your wet wood chips. i have mine in a smoker box.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
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